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Out Drinking After Baby? Hell Yeah.

My ass is chapped. This morning, I was riding home from a pajama party I attended with my ya ya sisters last night. While drinking my coffee in hopes of recovering quickly from the twenty jello shots and several glasses of douche juice (don’t ask), I took my morning stroll through the world wide web and came across a question that a new mom had posted in one of those online parenting forums that I usually don’t read.

The question read “Out Drinking After Baby?” She then proceeded to ask other forum goers if she and her boyfriend would look like bad parents if they went out drinking after having their baby two months ago.

Now, I’m not one to usually care about the opinions of others, however, there were too many “first of all” moments, and the responses to the question calls for someone to set the record straight, in the name of sanity.

So, FIRST OF ALL, I do not understand why in the actual fuck people care about what other people find socially acceptable. Seriously, I don’t and probably never will. But, since there are people that genuinely do, let me address numero dos.

SECOND OF ALL, there are different parenting styles that are all ok, but some, like the one I’m going to address, never get the approval of the general public to make it socially acceptable. I guess I’m a rebel, but I’m good with that.

So, what exactly were some of these responses? Well, they were all over the place, but a few stood out. These are the ones I’m going to attempt to set straight.

There were parents that said it’s okay to go have a drink or two. To these parents, I ask — just two drinks are acceptable? Have you ever had a freaking human in your body for nine months, then lost sleep for weeks, often wondering if you were past the point of return from zombihood? Because if you have, you’d agree that a night of getting smashed is perfectly appropriate. Besides, if she’s not breastfeeding, and they’re both of legal age to drink, and not drinking and driving, as long as their baby is in good hands, who cares?! Just shut up. Please.

One guy said it wasn’t appropriate at all, and said that lifestyle will lead to the road to hell. To him, and people that share this opinion, I say, I’ll pray for a good hellmate (chuckle, chuckle), and y’all should, too, because all sins were created equal, and your white lie is as bad as my occasional pajama party with twenty jello shots and douche juice, so fuck off.

The last response is worthy of copying & posting verbatim. I tried to save the best for last.

…if we were FB friends and I saw you posting about getting drunk 8 weeks after having a baby…I would think to myself “what a crappy mom”. I am just being honest…sorry if it offends.

…Also, you ARE a mom i would say that going out and getting tanked like you dont have responsibilities isnt a great idea…gotta learn that new adult level of drinking.

Whew! Where to start with this one!

This calls for a brand new “first of all,” so, FIRST THE FUCK OF ALL, what cool person like me would have judgy assholes like you on their friend list? So there’s that.

After my burst of laughter from the level of hypocrisy of some people, I realized the ignorance stems from generations of acceptance of social norms.

Listen, I am not slamming the parents that fell off the planet when they had kids. I’m sure that style of parenting works great for them, and that’s awesome, but they’re not the point here. There are those parents, then there’s me, and people like me, that choose to live unconventionally, and it works just as well.

I enjoyed my social life — I still do. I’ve never stopped enjoying my friendships, and I’m not fucking going to. I’m just not. That doesn’t make me a bad mom. It makes me human. It doesn’t make me irresponsible, it reminds me to live for myself sometimes so I can be a better version of myself for my kids.

It doesn’t mean I’m on a lower level of adulthood, or that I need to get on a different drinking level. It’s that I realize life doesn’t have to be serious 100% of the time, so if it means pajama parties with twenty damn jello shots and douche juice from time to time with my girlfriends in order to keep my sanity, I’m happy to spend the next morning drinking coffee to recover, and guess what, you don’t have the credentials to judge me, so keep steppin’.

So to answer the original question, “Out drinking after baby?” I say hell yeah.

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